Monday, September 30, 2013

When Your Spouse Walks Out - 5 Things You Can Do


I have heard it over and over and over.

"He's asking for a divorce."

"She just left...I think there is someone else."

"There's just no love in this marriage.  I'm not sure what I'm gonna do."

If you haven't run across someone who is having marital problems, then you are living in some kind of heavenly bubble, and my advice to you is stay there!  It's a happy place!  

Unfortunately, reality is somewhat different.  The enemy knows that if he can destroy marriages, then he can bring down the whole family unit within society.  One building block at a time, he chips away until all that is left standing is an empty shell symbolizing two people who are joined together by a piece of paper and exchange of rings.  It doesn't happen overnight.  Just as the building of marriage is a daily decision and series of positive choices, the destruction of marriage is a daily decision and poor choices.

So what are we to do if our spouse walks out?  It doesn't always have to be a physical movement.  They can check out of the marriage mentally and emotionally years before they ever bodily walk out the door. 

I have comprised a list of five things you can do.  I'm not promising these five things will restore your marriage.  I'm not saying that your spouse will return, but what I am saying is that by following these five simple rules, God will honor your prayers and will be a guide to you through your times of trouble, and that is huge.  For the Word tells us that "If God is for us, who can be against us?!"

1.  Pray and Seek God's Direction.  This would be a good time to ask God what to do.  If you haven't had a relationship with Him up until now, then He is more than ready to welcome you in.  It's a matter of surrendering our own stubborn will to His, believing that His Son, Jesus, died on the cross for your sins, taking the punishment that you (and I) deserved upon Himself, and dying then raising to life on the third day.

If you've been walking with God all along, then continue to seek His help and guidance.  Our heavenly Father offers so much peace in the midst of our storms, but also direction and truth.  When the enemy has his hand on our marriage, he will also be planting lies within your thought life.  God can protect us from those deceiving thoughts through time spent with Him and through the truth of His Word.

2.    Stand Up and Fight.  Too many of us give up way too easily.  If you love your spouse, then fight for it.  No matter how hopeless it looks, it is not over until your husband or wife has divorced you and remarried someone else.

Remember back to what drew you to that person in the first place.  What were the qualities you loved about them?  Those are the things that will keep you in the game.  If you loved them then, your love has not died, but been covered up by the junk you've been dealing with.  You made a commitment before God and man to love, honor, and cherish this marriage until death do you part.  So why do we give up so easily?  Because it's easier to throw in the towel and admit defeat than to fight for what you want.  FIGHT!  Get in the game.  Be proactive at winning back your spouse's heart.  It will be hard work.  It will cost you something.  It will be uncomfortable, but when it is all said and done, you can honestly say, "I did everything I could to save this marriage."

3.   Watch Your Words and Actions Carefully.  This means even when it's at its ugliest, watch your tongue and protect your place.  Don't say mean things in retaliation.  Don't nag, whine, cry or belittle.  Don't down talk your spouse to another....ever.  And, resist placing yourself in a position that might render you vulnerable.  Don't talk with the opposite sex about your marital problems (unless it's a trusted clergy or counselor in a safe environment) for this can lead into a whole new set of issues.

4.  Find Ways to Please and Honor Your Spouse.  You may not "feel" like it.  You may have been hurt or kicked to the curb, but remember the vows you took in the beginning.  The person you love is still there, but the enemy has put his slimy grips on his or her thoughts and actions.  Find ways to show love towards your spouse.  Try an experiment.  For 30 days, do a kind thing for your spouse each day.  Leave a love note.  Buy flowers.  Cook a great meal.  Gas up his or her car without being asked.  Get tickets to a game.  After the 30 days, see if he or she has taken notice.  I think you might be surprised.  If nothing else, it has gotten the focus off yourself and onto others.

5.  Take Care of Yourself.  Though God wants us to be "others" focused, He also wants us to take care of ourselves.  Get enough rest.  Eat the right foods.  Find time to exercise and maybe even tone up or drop those extra few pounds.  Your body is the temple of the Lord...it was bought with a price.  Take care of it.  When you are feeling good about yourself, your spiritual well-being, your health, your appearance, then that radiates to others.  Whether your spouse admits it or not, they will take notice.  More importantly, however, you will gain confidence and have a healthy respect for the person God has made you to be.

My prayer for you today, wherever you are at in your walk with God and in your marriage, I pray that He will show you His infinite love and grace.  God can heal your marriage, but more importantly, He can make you a better you!

Blessings,
Kristi

45 comments:

  1. Thank you so much! Me and my husband where having problems fighting almost every day. And I always use to tell him to leave. Until one day he told me he was going to visit family in another state and he was coming back. But he took all his clothes and haven't came back. We talk every day and he say he loves me. But when he gets mad he say I did what you always wanted me to do and that was leave. But then otherv times he say he got stranded up there. He lives with his parents and its been two months. He left a good job down here to go work forv gas but he say god is going to bless him. I feel like he's pulling me two ways. But then he want me to move up there. And I have been going back to church and praying every night and I don't feel like that is where I suppose to be. I love my husband to death but I am so lost. We have been together 14 years and married 3. And he has already committed adultery. I ask himto come home all the time he say he don't like it here in this state. I know God can restore but I need direction I feel like I did all I can.

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    1. My man has walked out twice now the 1st he said it was because i was nagging him so i decided to change some things this time he came back and said he wouldn't ever leave us again when i laid down to take a nap and woke up he was gone and hasn't returned yet, i haven't heard from him at all but all of his things are still here so im at a loss on what to do, he knows this hurts me but i don't know where to turn at this point or even what to do, can u give me any advice at this point.

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  2. So sorry to hear that your husband has walked out. Definitely be in much prayer over this situation. If he has asked you to join him there, then that is what you should do unless he is abusive physically/verbally. Stay in church and in God's Word. Find a godly group of women who can support and encourage you through prayer and listening. God will honor your faithfulness and will not abandon you. Blessings.

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  3. Why thank you! And he has ask for me to move up there but he's a barber and he thought he would make more than what he is. But my job do transfer. So I was just making sure that was the best decision.

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  4. My name is Jennifer and i want to testify of the good work done by a faithful DR PALOMA, a spell caster. in my life i never thought there is such thing as spiritual intercession. my problem started 5 months back when the father of my kids started putting up some strange behavior, i never knew he was having an affair outside our matrimonial home. it dawn on me on that faithful day 4th of April 21st 4:23pm when he came to the house to pick his things that was when i knew that situation has gotten out of hand and he then told me he was quitting the marriage which i have built for over 6 years, i was confused and dumbfounded i called on family and friends but to no avail. two months after i started having problem with my kids welfare rent-age and all of it, i really went through ***. until a day i was browsing on the internet and i happen to meet DR PALOMA Email palomaspelltemple@yahoo.com i never believed on this but i needed my man back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it but you know a problem shared is half solved after a 2das my husband called me telling me that he his coming back home and that was all. now we are living happily and i still do contact him on this email: palomaspelltemple@yahoo.com

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    1. Jennifer...I want to thank you for your input on this blog, however, as a Christian I have to disagree with the methodology. The Bible clearly tells us to flee from any type of witchcraft, fortune tellers, soothsayers, spell casters, etc., for these are of the enemy, Satan. Though it may "seemed" to have worked for you all, and I truly am thankful that your husband came back and your marriage saved, I cannot and will not promote any type of magical potion over the power of our God. It is my prayer that the two of you find continual peace in your marriage, and most of all, peace in Him. Blessings, Kristi.

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  5. hi, i came across your article, my husband and i just recently got married last december and now he walked out on me just about a week ago.
    he switched to this new company a little while before our wedding and has been busy since. i noticed the past 2 months he's been working till very late and over the weekends so we have not been able to see much or do anything together. he is a dedicated and hard working person. when we first dated about 6.5years ago, my family's business was closed down and the lawsuit went on for a few years. since we are basically on the edge of bankrupt with 2 younger siblings education to take care of, he's always been there for me , supporting my family and i throughout these years.
    because he feels responsible for taking care of me, he has chosen a different career path and make every decision with my best interest in mind. So back to now, the past 2 months he's been working later and being less responsive to what i say to him, i originally thought he was just too tired and stressed out at work so i didnt want to bother him. as days went by, i got frustrated and asked why he isnt talking to me (through whatsapp) since we were both at work. this is when he told me that he couldnt stand everything anymore, he cant take up anymore loading (the rent, expenses, his mother-in-law), he feels my mum looks down on his (because back then our family was quite well off compared to his family). i said we can discuss and work on a solution, i can talk to my family about being more careful with their expressions etc. however, he said he cant take it anymore, things have change since our wedding and all he wants to care for his own life and is own stuff. he doenst want to have to make every decision with me in mind. then told me he was going to move out that night. by the time i returned from work, he had already packed his stuff and left. i feel very frustrated and lost, it all happened so suddenly, because i didnt know he had so much against my family and the burden he had financially. he always told me its ok and now he tells me i wasnt told because he doesnt want me to worry.
    ive asked him before if everything was alright, but he doesnt tell me any problems. he may bring it up lightly but not enough to make me know that it has come to such serious point. i totally understand how he feels and i feel i have made a mistake in taking things to lightly and didnt care enough about his feelings. but him walking out and telling me the problems after walking out is just killing me. i feel i didnt even get the chance to understand the problems and try to find a solution to it.
    i am not close with his friends and i dont want my friends to know and speak to him about it because i am afraid it will push him away further.

    i am very tempted to call his boss at work since he was our cival celebrant during our wedding and he is the only one who knows how he is doing at the job. but im not sure if i should since it is his boss.

    i am trying not to call him or message him so that i wont push him further away, but with no communication at all, i am not confident that he will ever consider coming back home.

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  6. I'm so sorry for the problems you are facing in your marriage. I guess my first question would be, "Are you and your husband daily walking with the Lord?" Unless and until both put God first, the marriage will suffer as well as all other relationships. The good news is, there is always hope with the Lord. Until that man of yours puts a ring on someone else's finger, there is hope. Surround yourself with those who will be in prayer support for you and your husband. Stand for your marriage. Show him love through kindness and good deeds...no whining, begging or nagging. Let him see a change in you and continue to trust that God will soften his heart. However, if he still chooses to leave and not return, know that God will get you through this and bring beauty out of ashes. Praying for you, friend! :)

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  7. Three weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me. it all started when i Travel to UK to spend my holiday with my friend,i was trying to contact him but it was not going through. So when i came back from UK i saw him with a lady kissing, i was frustrated and it gives me sleepless night. I called my friend told her what happened and she introduce me to a spell cater who helped her long time ago. Which i contact him and i never believed that the spell will work so easily because i have contacted many spell casters to get him back all they do is to take my money with no result. I am happy to tell you all that my boyfriend is back and committed to me alone and he do whatever i ask him to do with love and care. All thanks to DR ADAGBA the great magician who helped me to restore my boy friend to me:adagbaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com.. Email this powerful and authentic spell caster via email now adagbaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com

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    1. Gloria, again as I stated above, the Bible is clear about spell casting and those who participate in it. It is evil and we are to flee from it. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. We will look to Him for direction, provision, wisdom and strength. I pray that you will seek out and find the TRUE source of our peace and restoration....Jesus Christ.

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  8. After 3 months of marriage my husband has walked out and refuses to communicate of return home. I know I contributed to issues within our marriage because I use to talk down on my husband but I believe at this point my husband has been unfaithful. I'm praying that God restores my marriage but if my husband has committed adultery after only 3 months of saying I do then I don't know how I'd forgive and that's considering if he attempts to come back. I'm so lost, please help

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear about your marital difficulties. It's good that you recognize the fact that things you may have said and the way in which you said them might have pushed him away, however, he also has made some poor choices. Yet...there's always hope for restoration until and unless he has married someone else. The first thing and most important thing to do is put God first in your own life. Second, pray that God will change your heart and soften your response towards your husband; to forgive and let the past go. Third, pray that God will soften your husband's heart and open his eyes to the changes in you. Wait for God's timing and His ways. There's no guarantee that your husband will return, but if you are depending on God, He will see you through wherever this path takes you. Keep me posted. I'll be praying for you.

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  9. My husband has left me and said it's over and that he has moved on. He said that this is post marriage issues we are dealing with and not to work on our marriage cause he is moving forward in another relationship. Many years ago in our marriage of 21 years, I had inappropriate relations with someone but my husband stuck by me. We have been together total for 27 years. I started our relationship when I was 19 years old and I am 46 now. We have 3 kids ages, 16, 14, and 12 (youngest is a girl). I found out about his affair on Super Bowl Sunday night 2015 when I saw his car. I knocked on the door and saw him sitting on the couch with a baby. He came outside and said this is my baby's mother ____ and introduced me as his wife.

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear of the situation at hand. When a spouse walks out there are steps a person can take, and oftentimes a spouse will return, however adding the dynamics of a child with another partner throws a whole new spin to it. Either way you look at it, one family unit is going to be torn apart (you, him and your children - her, him and their child). The only thing I would say is to really pray about it and seek the Lord's will for your life. Technically, he has abandon the marriage and has in fact, moved on with someone else by having a child with her. However, if he was willing to come back to you and take all necessary steps to heal the relationship, and you were willing to accept him back, then that's what I would encourage. Yet, as you say, he does not seem to want to return to the relationship you had with him. I would be curious to know whether or not this other woman knew about you to begin with, or had he been playing her as well?

      It's very sad when sin worms its way in to a person's heart and family. There are often too many in its path left picking up the pieces. I will be praying for you as you make some tough decisions ahead.

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  10. Hi I've been worried my husband left in January, we've been married 16 years we have a daughter I am hurt and confused he says he doesn't love me and he can't try than I pull away and he calls me says he's decompressed and we sleep together he stays over here and there goes back to his place I can't get use to this . he treats me different sometimes I feel used , I'm not feeling right about going from being his wife ..to this help please

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    1. Anonymous...I am so sorry to hear of your marital difficulties. Though God's Word calls us to be submissive to our husband and to love unconditionally, that doesn't mean we can be mistreated or abused. If I were you, I would set up boundaries. There has be outward change...for a period of time...before sex. He must understand this. I would encourage the two of you to seek out a Christian counselor who can help walk you through these issues. Prayer is key, also, in restoring a relationship. Hang in there and don't give up.

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  11. Hello
    I have been married to my husband for 2 years and 9 months now. We have a two year old. We were christians when we got married and when I was preganant with my daughter, he confessed that he had been interested in Islam. Since then, our marriage has been rocky. I helped him back to christianity but he backslided to Islam after her birth. During my child birth recovery from a C Section, he became verbal abusive, authoritative, demanding, and controlling. He did not understand the love, understanding, and affection I truly needed. So i left him and went to my sisters house when our duaghter was only 3 months old. It crushed him. He begged me to come back which I did. But things went far worst. He did not support me during my father's funeral. He did not show up. He Bagan to be physical. He choked me while carrying our baby, he pulled me to the ground before. That's when I finally moved out for good. I was away from him for 2 months and then I accepted him back. He never really changed. This time he walked out. I met up with him with the baby after I realized a divorce was important. It was his turn to spend time with her and I was picking her up after we argued about her not spending the night with him at the mosque. He then punched me four times in the face. I was so hurt. He tried to get me arrested by cutting himself. But GOD was there to protect me. He was the one arrested. He called CPS on me saying that I keep my daughter in wet diapers and feed her spoiled milk. All of this occurred December 2014. 5 months ago I accepted him back into my life. I thought he worked on himself. i thought maybe i should give him an Opportunity and If Things Doesn't work, finalize the divorce. He couldn't get any good jobs because of the pending charges. It was tough as he had to pay for domestic violence classes to get the charges permanently dropped. He walked out on me and went back to buffalo to work as it was easier to find jobs. He left a week before my MBA graduation and birthday weekend all in one. I feel like my husband enjoys punishing me because of where he is in life. Now he's begging me to take him back. I'm so confused as to what to do. He's muslim and I have no spiritual connection with this man. He is a great partner around the house and such an amazing father to out daughter. I've prayed so hard to GOD about this. He is still verbal and emotional abusive and everytime he says things will be better I want to believe him but I just don't. I'm so strong in my faith and I feel he is intimidated by it being he is a Muslim man. One time he asked me when am I gonna let him be a man. What to do? If he can just give his life to Jesus, I would be the happiest woman in the world. We had the most beautiful wedding.

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    1. Dear Anonymous...thank you for sharing your heart. You said that when you got married, both of you "were Christians". I am not judging your husband's heart, but merely expecting the fruit that he is producing according to your words. If he is truly saved, then he would not be following hard after another religion, nor would he be treating you in such a sinful manner. The Bible tells us that "husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church," and to "not be harsh with them". Of course, God is a big God and can work miracles in anyone's life! No-one is beyond salvation. Your husband needs the saving grace of the Lord, Jesus.

      Second, God is for marriage. However, He doesn't call us to be a doormat for abuse. There are going to have to be boundaries set up and steps taken (by him) to prove that he is changing and getting the help he needs. You should never put yourself and/or your child in harm's way. Your husband needs to get help for these anger issues, but also ultimately needs the Lord. Tough situation, and one that needs a lot of prayer and careful consideration.

      I will be praying for you and encourage you to gather other women who will pray alongside you as well. Hang in there.

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  12. Thank you Kristi for your words of encouragement you halted me alot today

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    1. Larry...I'm so glad to hear this post helped. Praying for you!

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  13. Hello

    I have been going through a separation since the end of September. My husband came home and told me he was moving out. I knew we were having problems alot were me. I was not a happy person so I was making everyone else unhappy. I have went to a counselor for those things. I also starting praying for god to change me because I needed that.I didn't pray before then unless I wanted or needed something. But I have changed that now. But when my husband left he told me he was moving out by himself but I found out a week later he moved in with another woman and I know her and she knows me but we were not close friends we just knew each other through work. I also worked with her mother and she is not happy about all of this. And this is not the first time she has messed with a married man. She married the first one and he left her. Before he left me he was sharing things about our marriage with her. I have forgiven my husband for all this. I just want my husband and family back. I talk with him almost every day unless he is off and she does not know he is talking to me or seeing me. This has been going on for the last month and half. I have told him I want our marriage cock and my family back he will not tell me what he wants. He tells me he loves me and misses me and I know he is not happy there. Communication was a problem for us as well as intimacy. I have changed the communication issue on my part. When I ask him how he feels he says he is stressed out by it and doesn't want to talk about it until after Christmas. Another issue was my step daughter and I was not very nice to her. I have apologized to her but she will not talk to me. I know this bothers him as well. She is 16. I didn't try hard enough to have a relationship with her. I was jealous of the relationship that she had with my husband due to the relationship I never had with my own dad. She sent me a text that was so not very nice. But I still apologized to her. I want to fix things with her but she want talk to me. I am seeing him Monday. I don't want to feel like I keep pushing him but he told me today that he thinks I would be OK either way. I want him home. I told him I was being patient. I don't know what to do or say to him anymore. I pray several times a day. I love the relationship I have with God now. He changed me as a person and changed my heart. My husband says that I am a different person now.

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    1. Hello there...so sorry to hear of your troubles. You have taken the most important step by turning back to God. He is the only One who can fix the messes we find ourselves in. As far as your husband goes, you cannot make him come back to you, but you can give him a reason to. Continue to let him see the difference that God is making in your life. Not one of a desperate, angry, hurt-filled woman, but one who radiates joy and peace, love and goodness. Listen more and talk less. Display unconditional love to both your husband and your step-daughter, then leave it in God's hands. Will be praying for you, sweet one.

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  14. Hello my husbands been gone since Oct 13 I hv only talk to him nov 19 but it was a bunch of hollering an pointing the finger. But he hung up an left a message on Facebook messaging saying He Cldnt B The Man I NEEDED HIM TO B AN HE SORRY THAT HE WASNT MATURE ENUFF FOR ME... I love my husband an I took responsibility an accountability for what ever part I played in him feeling that I didn't respect him an treating him like a kid as he say.. God has gave me revelation snc he has been gone ... I made a mistake an I recognize that .. I pray for him often an I as k Hod for another chance,, I'm not perfect but I no iv done everything to show my husband I love him,, I feel like I'm fighting alone,.. I'm American an he 's Haitian , Jamaican I'm 47 a he' 25 the funny thing is I no he was sent from God cause he is everything I asked God for in a men except his age. I miss an love my husband so much , I think an dream abt him often ,, I use to cry myself to sleep , Hid has helped me wth that , I still keep myself together, I still go to church every sun , an I Yern go my husband I haven't gave up , I trying to keep the faith an trust in his miracle that in Gods time not mine .. I don't even think abt no1 else , but it feel like I'm fighting alone..., Give me words of comfort or ur intake .. I'm not giving up until God says to .. I pray for his mind body and soul , also for his safety that God direct him back home..all his things are still where he left them , he took a few things but not much . Left his ring on the nightstand , my birthday has pass Thanksgiving , my birthday Dec 5 Christmas Dec 25 New Years Jsn 1 his birthday Jan 6 an I still haven't herd from him. I hope I'm givin another chance on my marriage.

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    1. Thank you for reaching out to me. I'm so sorry to hear about your marital problem, but it does seem that you are going about it the right way and relying on God. Keep praying. Keep seeking the Lord's will for you. Never give up. God can do miraculous things! :)

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  15. After ten years of marriage my husband left. Reason given I have herpes, and I am abusive. His reason are very fair from the truth. Our last to argument ended physical because he keep lying to me and disappearing. The herpes I was diagnosed 9 year with it, although he never said he had a problem or talked to me about it. It is a problem know, I haven’t has an outbreak since my diagnosis.
    My daughter this morning said since he hasn’t returned he will not. I am so destroyed. Because this is the first major fight and he hasn’t really talked to me about the problem or what I really can do to fix it. He has been gone for since November 7th without really a word truthfully why and when he stopped loving me. He is my love I really want him back. Do you think he will?

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    1. Thank you for having the courage to contact me. So sorry to hear of your marital and physical troubles. If you want this marriage to work, both people have to be in the game and willing participants. I would highly recommend you find a good, Christian counselor who can talk with you and offer some God-centered advice. Having a strong relationship with the Lord is the key to success in marriage, so I would encourage you to seek Him through prayer and Bible study, and find a group of ladies who will commit to praying with you/for you as well. Chin up. You will get through this.

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  16. I enjoyed reading this article. My husband and I have been married almost 15 years. He has walked out on me 4 times. I don't know why I keep allowing him to return. We dont get along. I do everything in this household. He sleeps all day. He doesn't help me with anything. He is the type to help a stranger first. I am saved and in a great bible believing church. I've been going to this church for 2 years now. He joined July 2015 but has only gone a handful of times since then. He went with me a few weeks ago. That was the first time since October 2015. I am very active in the church. He proclaims to be a minister but doesn't act like it. Every since he walked out the first time in 2010 nothing has been right. I have done everything to try to bring change to this relationship. He isn't trying at all. I am done trying now. I am so confused as to what to do.

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage troubles. Is your husband willing to go to Christian counseling? Or, is there a godly older man in the church who might agree to mentor him? Try these things. If not, ask God for guidance in the next steps. Praying for you!!

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  17. Hello. I am a man. I recently walked out on my fiance just days before we were to be married. Weve known each other since 1998 we became the best of friends and eventually fell in deep love. We got seperated for awhile and reunited this year and restablished our love. our goal was to tie the knot. We had already verbally declared to the Lord that we were married but wanted to make it official. We moved in together and things changed for the worst. She was/is a drinker and would start arguments that would escalate to physical abuse. She would hit me with anything she could get her hands on. She busted my head, gouged my eye, clawed my scrotum to the pink meat and a bevy of other violent acts. I was cussed out and called the worst unmentionable names ever. This went on for the whole time we lived together which was about 60 days. When sober she would deny ever doing these things or would say that she is fighting for my love. One night I had a dream that she killed me in my sleep and that's when I decided it's time to go. I couldnt take anymore. I didnt take any of my belongings but a few books to read on my bus trip back to my hometown. We texted each other but they turned to insults and bitter words on both sides. We havent spoken to each other since. I love her and she says she loves me but the verbal and physical abuse was just too much. I miss her dearly though!

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    1. Stefan, I am so sorry to hear about the violence and heartache you experienced. It sounds as if God spared you from something that could have potentially cost you much more harm or even worse. From here on out, I would not look at or grieve for the past, but move forward. You didn't say whether or not you are a born-again believer, but I would challenge and encourage you to seek the Lord and His will for your life from here on out. Many blessings for your future.

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  18. I believe in the the Lord of course. He is my saviour! I am still hurt behind it all and still in love. I just dont know what to do and am lost. Pray for me please

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    1. Definitely praying for you! Hang in there.

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  19. I left my husband 14 months ago after 23 years of marriage and almost 30 years together. We had been having problems due to unresolved issues after being caregivers for his mother. For about 6 months, he would tell me to leave and that he wanted a divorce. On Easter, our son was drinking (we did not realize it) and he began attacking my husband. The police were called and my son was taken to a friends to deescalate the situation. My husband feels that we were all against him and told all of us to move it within 2 weeks. I listened to everybody else, took my children's side, said some mean things to my husband and moved out 2 weeks later. In order to stand my ground, I tried to avoid him and be mean. We had all lost our way with God. Since this time, he moved another woman in and has moved several times. One Sunday morning, I was awakened by a sweet voice that said I needed to go to church. I called a friend and began going to church that day. I searched the internet for ways to get husband back, first was therapy videos, then books, then rejoice marriage ministry. I am now a stander for my marriage. God has blessed me several times and even told me to get my wedding ring back from the pawn shop (was still there after almost 4 years). My husband has said he wants to work on our marriage, then goes back to other woman. When she beats him up, he calls me for help. He has moved in with me (first time 3 days, then gone for 5 and has now been back for a week today). I pray all day long for us and our marriage. I read the bible for hours (half way through) and read daily devotionals. My husband is a Christian as well, but still is talking with other woman, is having trouble forgiving me for leaving, losing our home, his truck, and now the other woman. I get discouraged at times, like tonight when he said, "What do you want me to be?, I will always love you, You have changed so much, I don't even know you, If you find someone else you will see that you are happier". What can I do to get him to forgive me and understand that he is the one I love and want to be with. I have not even looked at another man since leaving him. I no longer listen to others, because the bible says to look at the person God created not the earthly person. That was my problem, I was looking at the earthly person and not the man God created for me. Please pray for us and if you have any prayers that may help, please let me know. Thank you!

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    1. Dear Anonymous...I am so sorry to hear of all your problems and heartache, however, you are doing the very best thing by turning back to God and allowing Him to direct you from here on out. You cannot change your husband's heart, but God can. You cannot change his actions, but you can change you. Continue to work on who you are...your attitude, your words and tone of voice, your reactions. Let everything reflect the love of Christ. Don't argue or beg. Be there for him...love him...but set boundaries and godly expectations. Stand for that marriage and continue to do battle on your knees. God will hear and will bless your obedience. Hang in there!

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  20. Hello I don't know where to start. What do I when your husband is walking out for the 4th time. Last year around this time it was the worst time for us but we decided to work our marriage out. I thought we were good and everything was working out. We were getting along,loving one another until 7-24-16 he said that he was unhappy and been unhappy for years. I'm confused because I don't understand why this is happening again when he promised a year ago that he won't leave again and if we had a problem we will work it out together. We been together for 22years and he has left 3 times already and it's always around July and August. I really need help what do I do.

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    1. Sweet sister, like I told Anonymous above, you cannot change your husband or his actions, but you can change you. The first and most important thing you can do is to strengthen your relationship with the Lord. Work on you. Allow God to change your actions, reactions, words, tone, etc., to reflect love and godliness. Don't rest your happiness on a man, but set your sights heavenward. Fight for your marriage on your knees in prayer. Set up boundaries and expectations. Continue to stand for your marriage the right way. God will honor your obedience and He will see you through no matter what happens. Hang in there!

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  21. I am so heart broken. We have been married 5 yrs, together 8. We were so happy, and decided to take a different route to start fresh. We moved 10 hrs away from his family and kids (we had many problems with both). After several years there he decided he didnt want to be there anymore and needed to be closer to his kids, so he left and moved back home. After a few months he called and said he wanted ro come back, so he did. 5 months later he said he was going to work and called several hours later and says he was going back home, i coukd come or not. I would have dropped everything and moved with him but i have a 15 ur old that did not want to move due to being a sophmore in high school also my husband is a drinker and likes to party so there were nights he would not even come home. Those nighys i just prayed for him to get home safely. Anyways i visited often to where he moved and we talked everyday. This happened in April, so on nov, i try to call him and he doesn't answer after a couple of days he calls back and said he didn't answer because he didnt want to be bothered. I found out a couple days later that he had met another woman and was seeing her. He told me he didnt want to be with me any more. After several months, in june he trxted me and said he needed his family back, so i packed up and moved 800 miles away. Away from my family and friends and left a great job that i loved. My daughter cried for 3 months. I told her to lets do it for my husband and she agreed. 3 months after coming here, i find out he never stopped talking to the other woman. I called her and xonfronted her. She told him of course and he asked me about it. I told him i didnt call her. The next day he texts me and says he is done and dont want to be with me any more. All his stuff is here and he refuses to come get it so he doesn't have to face me. He is now living in between his mom and rhe other woman. And refuses to talk to me. He did come and stay one night and then left, i never felt so dirty in my life and he is my husband. He then lied to her and told her I was lieing and he didnt stay with me. I am so hurt and dont know what to do. I pray daily for God to fix me and my marriage but i dont know what to do next.

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    1. Dear friend...I am so sorry for the trouble you have been experiencing. There are no easy answers or quick fixes here. Your husband seems to be torn as to where he wants to be and who he wants to be with, but ultimately, it seems very clear that what he is really searching for is the love and acceptance that can only be found in Christ...not another person, area or spouse. Until he realizes that, unfortunately, your marriage will continue in the downward spiral. My suggestion is to gather some other believing women who will commit to pray for him. If you love this man and want this marriage to work, then fight for it. God CAN do miracles. I've seen it happen, but it is never an overnight fix. You work on you and be there (help) your daughter. Plug yourself into a good, Bible believing church and find love and support there. Let your husband see new and exciting things happening in your life - things God is doing. Perhaps in time, he will want what you have. Keep the faith. Chin up.

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    2. Thank you. I do want it to work and i am fighting for it. Ot just seems useless at times. My daughter asks me every day if i have talked to him. And all i can say is no. His kids still come to my house every other weekend. Which makes it hard too. I love them, but should i cut them off the way he has cut off my daughter. This is not their fault.

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    3. Again, you be different, and that includes showing kindness to and loving his kids even if he has shut yours out. Stay the course. Keep the faith. Let God lead.

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  22. Hi kristi-

    My wife and I dated for 6 years and every day together during that time was incredible. We never, ever had an argument and shared lots of mutual love and affection. We then married and have been for 2 1/2 years. We each have two kids from a previous marriage and I knew blending families was going to be difficult. Her oldest, a daughter now almost 17, woukd protest in anger whenever I came over (even during dating). But I looked past it and married thinking she would grow out if it. She didn't and was disrespectful to me and that drove a wedge between my wife because she didn't discipline her daughter effectively. Then I lost my company I owned, most of my net worth, my income, and struggled to find a job. I'm now working but nothing like what I was making before. I asked my wife to go back to work (she has a masters degree, healthy, late 40's, and very marketable). She told me i "retired her" when she stopped working after we got married, but it was a joint decision at the time to try and focus on blending the family.But circumstances changed and I grew resentful and angry that she would not only help me obtain a job, cut bills, and then not get a job herself.i asked respectfully for a long time, but it had no affect and she never made any changes or sacrificed in light of the hardships.. She did find a job, just as she recently walked out during a bad argument and now wants a divorce. I feel used and abused, and still have told her im wiling to go to counseling, but she says she was unhappy and will not try to save the marriage. I'm heartbroken and getting counseling for myself. Please pray for me.

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    1. Paul...I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I will definitely be in prayer for God to give you wisdom and discernment over the coming days, but also that He will bring healing to your heart. Marriage can be so lopsided when one or both of the marital partners pursue the relationship selfishly instead of sacrificially. Unfortunately, we all have that sinful, selfish nature and often it gets in the way of a truly great marriage. If you still love this woman, I would encourage you to fight for the marriage and to begin praying for her every day - for her heart, for her mind, for her will to be lined up with the Lord's, for her friends and influences, etc. Allow God to do a work in you first, by showing you how to rightly love her. There is no guarantee she will respond favorably and come back, but I have witnessed God do miracles in the most broken of marriages, simply because one spouse stood and fought for the relationship and sought God to change them as well. Many blessings to you.

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  23. First talk to God, stand still, listen, and the Lord guide you all. The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Remember you are fighting the enemy and not man. Pray for God to unheartened your spouses hearts and help them to have a fresh love for you. Ask Gid to show them grace but to expose them if they shall walk in deceit and not to allow them to get away with it. Just remember once you pray, you trust and give it to God. What man can't do, God can and will do. Put your trust in God and not in man. God will never leave you nor forsake you. God works miracles everyday, you're situation may seem impossible but remember nothing is impossible with God. cuteness1982@gmail.com. I am here for you all. God bless. Keep the faith and be patient with God.

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  24. Hi iam Mrs.knox Hi my husband and i have been moving back and forth due to him wanting to be close to his kids the last disagreement caused us to separate we want to reconcile but he wants to live in chicago and i want to live in houston.. He has a apartment and job there, iam just trying to fiqure out the spiritual thing to do i have 4 kids that i brought into the marriage and all of there and my family stay here in houston.

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    1. Good morning. This is one of the toughest things to deal with when you have a blended family. The two of you are going to have to meet in the middle somewhere. Possibly start fresh in a new location between Chicago and Houston, or depending on circumstances such as age of children on either side, job circumstances (able to transfer, work from home, travel back and forth, etc.) or which place would most benefit all involved. Ultimately, though, it should be made a matter of prayer and where God is leading the two of you. Hope this helps somehow. Many blessings to you.

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