Fighting the Marriage War. Divorce is Not An Option!
Here we go again! I cannot seem to wrap my mind around the astounding numbers of husbands...and wives...simply walking out the door with an "I don't love you anymore. I want a divorce." line.
From just those few words, the problem is fully illuminated....I!
For those of you dealing with an "I" problem, sit back and hold on. There are going to be some words written here that may be tough to read and even harder to swallow, but they come directly from the throne room of God and last I checked, He doesn't compromise.
Marriage is sacred. We as a society have got to quit making it something it is not. It is not something disposable. It is not to be ignored, misused, or mistreated. It is not for the weak-hearted or the uncommitted type.
Marriage is hard work! It takes time....lots and LOTS of time. It takes effort....bucket loads of sweat and tears, to make it last.
This flippant attitude of "well, if it's broke, we can throw it out and get another" has got to stop. When did we become such a large group of quitters and me-centered infants? Perhaps all of us (me included), need a refresher course on the original plan.
Marriage was created by God for man for several purposes:
- For companionship - Let's face it, fur babies are great, but their companionship only goes so far. We were made for face-to-face conversation and companionship with someone of like kind.
- To make a "whole" unit - Both male and female are given certain characteristics that compliment each other. Men tend to be the hunter, gatherer, protector, provider, fixer, etc. Women tend to be the nurturer, compassionate heart, encourager, listener, helper, etc. When the two "become one flesh" they encompass ALL the characteristics together.
- To procreate - If you know anything about biology and human anatomy, you will know that only a man and a woman can procreate naturally. They need each other to bring forth more individuals. Common fact.
- To subdue and rule over the earth - Yes, this is in the Bible (Genesis 1:28). We were created to take charge of, care for and look after all that God has put on this earth....TOGETHER. If we were supposed to go it alone, He wouldn't have made two completely different individuals. All of this includes our home and whatever territory God has given us as a couple. We are to live life together.
Now getting back to this "divorce" thing. In Malachi 2:15-16, we read, "Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith."
Divorce was never a part of God's plan. Why? Look around! How many people have been affected by its ripples? Kids are packed up and shifted from one home to the next. Grandparents are often robbed of watching their grand babies grow up because their mom or dad is living elsewhere and has custody.
Friends are no longer friends because of the split. Then there is the whole mess of step this or that. Aaahhh!!! What a nightmare!
God knew divorce would rip families apart...would tear at the very fiber of the family. Could even destroy a nation if the family unit was disbanded and left insignificant. Where would stability come from? Where would godly discipline and morals be taught? Where would the security of a loving environment so needed to nurture young children be?
If we are honest, we are seeing the end results in our nation today. Absent parents. Broken homes. Child abuse by adults in the home who are not the parents. The overall moral decay of what marriage and family is supposed to look like.
How God's anger must seethe.
So what do I say to those who tell me, "I want a divorce. I don't love him or her anymore?" I tell them they need to repent. It is a relationship with Christ that they are lacking, whether they want to admit it or not.
A marriage firmly planted on the foundation of God...
A marriage actively invoking the three-fold cord theory... (Ecclesiastes 4:12)
A marriage of two repenting repenters actively seeking a daily walk with their Creator, will NOT divorce. It simply doesn't happen.
Someone who is not grounded in God; a person who does not have God first and foremost in their life; a marriage that is not actively concerned about anyone other themselves, has a greater chance that their marriage will fail.
What about those folks who do have a strong relationship with the Lord, but their partner has left the game? Then exactly that...someone has moved, and it wasn't you, and it definitely wasn't the Lord. He never moves.
So what do you do with that? PRAY. Find godly people who will commit to praying with you, for you, and for your spouse. Fast. Pray some more. Be the example of godliness to your children and to your wayward spouse. Don't argue. Don't beg. Don't be a doormat. Shine for Christ and let Him do your fighting. Stand for your marriage until your spouse comes home or he/she puts a ring on another's finger. God will bless your obedience and efforts even if your marriage ends because of another's "I" problem.
"I hate divorce." And so do I!
Prayers for all you dear ones out there fighting the good fight, working hard to stay the course; for those standing strong and staying in the game. You are the courageous ones. Hold the line. Fight the good fight. Stay close to God. He will carry you when all strength is gone.
I have stumbled upon your blog and already thanked the Lord that I found it, I think after weeks of searching, getting non-Christian marriage advice, and seeking some type of answer from God that I questioned if he even hears... I thank you for writing this blog. It is exactly what I needed to hear at exactly this time. I have been married for 3 years in October and have a 2 year old. Neither of us have been to church since shortly after our wedding and have nobody around either of us to give us the Christian version of advice, so everyone is telling us to divorce. I have not been an angel at all as early on, I threw things, hit him on occasion when he made me feel like nothing, and verbally abused him as he did to me. It was just bad. We had no idea, the effects it would have on us. I turned to God and went to counseling, for the sake of our family, our marriage and to be a better me. He forgave me and I forgave him. That was over a year ago and I have made very positive changes. I know he still hurts over it as I was abused in previous relationships and learned that as a defense and carried it on to my relationships when I got angry. Recently, my husband has been edgy, nitpicking me for frivolous things such as laundry not being put away and that my cooking is bad, and things of that sort etc... It was hurtful. He than began ignoring me, or stonewalling me AND the kids for nearly a month! I stood strong in the home waiting for him to somehow come around, he eventually said he stopped loving me and wants a divorce. He stopped coming home until after the baby was in bed, stopped checking on us, stopped caring ultimately. After 3 attempts of trying to be the bigger person, I finally packed the kids and told him I was going to leave. He watched us pack, didn't argue it and watched us leave. I am here at my parents now, obviously being a burden to them and as my children see how Daddy has been avoiding us all, it breaks my heart and has been so extremely stressful. He would say, well I didn't tell you to leave... and yet, I slept on the couch for the entire time and decided to get the kids out of the bad atmosphere. He has shut us out many times in the past but never this long. It makes me feel alone and when I tell him that, he just points blame on me for absolutely everything. He is so hard to communicate with as it seems he always has to be right. I really don't know what to do from here...I have prayed and I just don't know how to hear God, I am so lost and although I feel like a doormat, I do honor my vows. Any of your advice would help or even just a prayer would be helpful.
Dear, sweet Anonymous...I hear your heart and the pain that you are experiencing. The only advice that I could give is to work on you. Be the shining example of what a godly wife is to look like. Take your kids to church regularly. Read your Bible. Pray. Let God transform you into someone who is godly, full of love and forgiveness and steady. Find women who will commit to praying with you daily for your marriage and your husband. Then stand. Stand for your marriage. It is never over until there is a ring on someone else's finger. Stay strong and God will honor your obedience. P.S. There is a great movie coming out today called "War Room". Ask your husband if he will go see it with you. You can check it out here: http://warroomthemovie.com/. Praying for you today!Delete