Are You Expecting the Impossible From Your Spouse?

In 1988 when Rick and I got married, I thought I was marrying the man of my dreams.  Boy was I wrong!

Now that I've got your attention, let me clarify.  The man of my dreams was the guy who would go to work then come home with a spring in his step and a whistle on his lips.  He would greet me at the door with a kiss, take off his jacket and then sit on the floor and play with the little ones.

The man of my dreams was never in a bad mood, never absent from the dinner table, and never messy.  He complemented me often and always remembered to bring me flowers and chocolates just because.

The man of my dreams led us all in a family prayer at mealtime and tucked the children in bed with words of fatherly wisdom.  He was the neighbor everyone wanted, the employer at high demand and the man all others were envious of. 

In reality, the man of my dreams was a make believe, made up, fanciful whim that I had created in my thoughts early on.  He was a cross between my own father, Mr. Rogers and Darrin on Bewitched.

So do we still do this today?  Do we fantasize about the perfect guy or gal, then place those extreme expectations on the person we've actually married? 

I believe so.  I did.

Poor guy, early in our marriage my man could not quite measure up.  Levels of frustration began to grow as I piled on the expectations, never stopping to consider the gifts and talents that God had given to him specifically, or the weaknesses he had as a human being.

I remember when out of sheer exhaustion of trying to please me, he would say something like, "I will never be good enough for you."  Ugh.  How wrong I was for ever trying to force him into a mold that didn't fit his character.

In reality, the man God gave me was and is a man of integrity.  He is strong in devotion and loyal to the end.  He will dry my tears when they fall and congratulate me when I succeeded in accomplishing a goal.

My man is the one who stands by my side and works hard to put food on the table.  Though he might not say all the right things or do all that I expect in the time frame I expect it, he is the one God has chosen for me, and quite honestly, he is a perfect fit!

If you have been given the gift of a spouse, then appreciate him or her for who they are.  Don't expect the impossible or place unnecessary burdens on their shoulders.  Love them and pray for them daily to live up to their full God-given potential.  Soon you will notice that even though they are not the man or woman you dreamed of, they are definitely someone better!


"A wife (or husband) of noble character who can find? She (or he) is worth far more than rubies." - Proverbs 31:10 parenthesis added