Friday, December 20, 2013

Surviving Infidelity Within the Thin Blue Line - Part IV

As we close out our look into a personal journey of one couple's walk through infidelity, it is our desire that you walk away with encouragement and a renewed hope for your marriage.

Let's get the rest of the story...

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I began speaking to one of the counselors on a regular basis before we ever did anything as a couple.  It was a good thing too.   While trying to deal with the fact that he had betrayed me once, I then found out that he had continued the affair for 8 months after the initial discovery.  To add insult to injury, there were several more “one night stands”.  I called my counselor and all I wanted to hear was that it was going to be okay and that we would make it through.  Those words of encouragement were critical.  She said “This is not for the weak.  You can make it through this and it can be better than it was, but it will take work.”   God knew I needed those words. 

If you are dealing with infidelity, the words shared with you may be different than the ones shared with me, but know this, God has NOT abandoned you.  He is with you, holding you, just like every good Daddy does when his daughter is hurting.

It was also hard because I wanted to protect the dignity of my husband and my family.  Very few people were aware of what I was going through.  I should get an academy award for my performance.  I didn’t want to tell my children, because they didn’t need to be dragged through the mud.  They didn’t deserve to have their world turned upside down.  They needed to feel safe even if I didn’t.  I also didn’t want people telling me how bad he was and that he would do it again.  “Once a cheater always a cheater,” we’ve often heard.  I didn’t need any more negatives.

The journey was painful.  I couldn’t get the visions of my husband with other women out of my head.  I cried buckets of tears hoping that these feelings of loss would leave.  I wondered how I would make it through another day.  The feeling of losing my marriage was nearly unbearable.  I was in mourning.  Nothing would ever be the same again.

As we worked through this, I thought that I had to leave the “old” marriage behind and start a new one.  That was heartbreaking because we shared so many good things together.  However through counseling, my husband had become the husband and father that he was ordained to be.  I wanted to hold on to the old things but this “new” husband and father that he was becoming was almost too good to be true.  

One morning I was listening to a radio program and they talked about a hybrid marriage, a mixture of two elements - the past with all of the good memories, and the future with an amazing husband.  Somehow, I was seeing this becoming reality in my own marriage.

Today, we are several years out of this.  I will never forget it.  It doesn’t go away.  I can tell you this though, all of the heartache, tears, sickness, were worth it.  I have an amazing marriage with the one that I know I was supposed to have; the one God intended.  Evil tried to destroy us, but God took that and turned it into something amazing.  I personally think he out did Himself with this one.

So, if anyone else is struggling…….Romans 12:12 says, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
 
My marriage is living proof that it can work.

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God bless!
Kristi

4 comments:

  1. You are so welcome! Hope it touched your heart in a special way. :)

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  2. Half of the responsibility and ownership for the adulterous affair and "one-night stands" sits squarely on the husband's shoulders. To refer to the woman as "the destroyer" completely deflects the fact her husband could have CHOSEN to walk away and not gotten involved with these women. Men and women CHOOSE to be faithful to their partners (married or not) or choose not to be. Over the years my husband has relayed stories of women enamored with the "man in uniform", his senior rank, and strong character. He has counseled peers and subordinates alike when they have made poor choices. Adults need to take responsibility and ownership for the decisions they make. Adulterous affairs take TWO.

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    1. Anonymous...I completely agree with you and so does my friend, which I think has been represented well within the blog posts in this series. The usage of the word "destroyer" comes from a lot of hurt and pain that she felt towards the woman as is understandable in a matter such as this. The feelings were just as strong towards her husband, but he was the one "she loved" and not just a stranger. If you read the blog previously, which I'm sure you did, you will remember that I wrote that nothing bad within a marriage is license to have an affair. As you said, it is a choice. Thank you for adding your input. If you haven't had a chance to read the other blog posts, I would encourage you to do so. :)

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