SEX!! What It Is and What It Is Not
I know, I know...you're thinking, "Great! Kristi is going to preach." Smile. Well...perhaps a little, but what I really want to do is explore what the Bible says about sex and compare that to what society is "preaching".
Soooo, here's my feeble attempt. Know that this topic is WAY out of my comfort zone. Wink.
Flip on the television, go to a movie or tune in to a random radio station, and you'll be bombarded by sex.
Whether it is a commercial just trying to sell a hamburger, or a poorly put together sitcom with no agenda other than to exploit and skew a God-ordained gift between husband and wife, it seems these days that we as a society have become so sex saturated; completely confused as to what its purpose really is.
Sex is not a casual activity, but is purposeful and rewarding within the confines of marriage.
Beginning with the 60s and progressing into what we now see as an opened and discarded Pandora's box, sex has become an accepted leisure activity for all ages consent or not. People "hook up" at bars, clubs, concerts, on the job, via the Internet, at school, out-of-state, out-of-country, by appointment or persuasion, and sadly even in church. What once was sacred ground, is now a fool's paradise paraded around with flair.
This is not what God intended. In Genesis 2, after God had created Adam and all the animals on the earth, he found no suitable helpmate for man, so he caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep and formed Eve out of one of Adam's ribs. After he brought her to Adam, the man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." (vs.23)
The above passage continues by saying "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife (in marriage), and they will become one flesh." (vs. 24) (parenthesis added)
When two separate individuals become one through marriage and a sexual union, it leaves no room for "casual" hookups. The two agree to forsake all others having one another to explore and experience the rewards of marriage, parenthood, etc. Marriage and sex were created for enjoyment, companionship and procreation between a husband and a wife, not what Hollywood would lead you to believe.
A passage in the book of Proverbs warning against adultery also states,
"Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth."
As this passage suggests, sex is for a married couple and should be kept between the two of them and no-one else. Anything outside of that will bring nothing but heartache, frustration, unwanted disease, unplanned and unprepared for pregnancy, feelings of being used/betrayed, etc.
Sex is not self-purposing, but is a selfless act of love toward your husband/wife.
If you haven't noticed (chuckle), men and women are different. I've heard it said that men are like microwaves. They heat up quickly and are always ready for sex, even when they're dog tired.
Women on the other hand are like crock pots. It takes a lot of time and attention to get them warmed up.
This can cause a problem in a marital relationship. Women, being the nurturers and care-givers of the children and the home are often exhausted by the end of the day. They have not only fed and dressed themselves, but have fed and dressed and fed and re-dressed the little ones multiple times, cleaned up after, carpooled them to and fro, worked outside the home or worked within, prepared the family meal, done the grocery shopping, the laundry, helped with little league or scouts, etc. By the end of the day, they are physically and mentally spent wanting nothing more than to fall into bed before they have to do it all over again.
With all of that happening, sex is often pushed to the back burner. Men are left feeling frustrated and ignored. Women feel put out and often disgusted by the push for more lovin'.
But here's the deal...God created sex to be an enjoyment between both husband and wife. It should never be a check mark at the end of a list, nor a demanded activity.
1 Corinthians 7:4-5 says, "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer."
Withholding sex because of tiredness is just as wrong as demanding sex out of selfish motivation. Husband and wife should both treasure this gift that God has given them. Find ways to carve out time so the two of you can get away for awhile and spend time together reconnecting not only through conversation, but also through intimacy. The laundry will wait...the kids will survive...the grass can grow another centimeter before needing to be cut. Sex is a "must-have" for a marriage to stay healthy and protected from outside temptations. BUT...
Remember...intimacy is not just the act which happens under the sheets, but also includes reconnection time during the rest of the day. Wives need to feel loved throughout the day not just at one certain time. Husbands need to feel respected within their relationship with their wife. It is vital for husbands to see their wives as their biggest cheerleaders. When both is providing what the other needs, then the bedroom sparks will be unquenchable!
Within the confines of marriage, sex is/can be:
- Worshipful (Yes...sex can be worshipful, in the fact that God created it for you and your spouse. When we take part in His will for our lives, it is a form of worship.)
- Tool for procreation
- A good calorie burner (wink!)
- A stress reliever
Sooo, with that said, go "rejoice in the wife (or husband) of your youth!" Having a healthy sex life is a good thing and blesses God when it is used in the right way. Plus, your marriage will be stronger because of it.